Actress

Desperately, I seek an end to something

that seems endless by nature of its very existence.

I hate this pain for making itself at home in my life.

Why does it keep resurfacing no matter where I push it?

My feigned expressions of joy carefully conceal my

overwhelming suicidal thoughts.

I sit in self-imposed solitude and contemplate

my lack of desire to continue in this manner –

merely existing.

I am only happy on the outside.

My show keeps marching on –

with no end in sight.

6 August 1991