Stormy PoeticJustice

it never occurred to me to say no

it seemed that all of the other girls

were doing it

and i had something to prove

i had to prove my womanhood

i had to prove that boys

found me attractive

i had to prove to someone           anyone

that I wasn’t a dyke

that I wasn’t funny in that way

that didn’t mean ha-ha

but weird           strange           different           freak

he was nice enough           at the time

and I  had been parading around

the school calling him “boyfriend”

and letting him call me “girlfriend”

because it was easy           and convenient

for me          at the time

even though no one was buying it

even though my name was

perennially written inside of a heart

with a  + sign and another girl’s name

in           every           classroom

even though his father berated him

for dating a Black girl

at the end of the year

which marked the end of high school

and the beginning of adulthood

when we knew that we would part forever

it seemed as though we both felt

that i owed him something

some token of appreciation

i guess it wasn’t that bad but

it never occurred to me to say no