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colorful love

i have to stop playing…

convincing myself

that maybe

You love me,

as i love you.

 

You say You want me…

sometimes…

but not my label.

our label?

maybe.

 

“do you love me?” i ask,

“do you really, truly

love me?”

“i don’t know,” You say,

maybe”.

 

i’m desperately looking

for the MAGIC WORDS:

the RIGHT WORDS,

to make You say, “yes.”

not “maybe”.

 

i wonder why i do this.

why struggle?

SHE likes me…

You don’t…maybe?

OBVIOUS CHOICE!?!

why doesn’t my

heart jump

when SHE smiles?

it does when You smile.

when You smile at me.

 

am I scared? nervous,

sweaty palms say ‘yes’.

“kiss her”, she says

i will…one day…

maybe.

 

a rainbow of feelings:

passion and love among them.

why do others matter?

i love You. do You love me?

maybe.

 

we HAVE a label.

does that scare You?

not me.

You keep me strong…

safe.

 

i take your hands in mine,

and look in your eyes,

then I shift mine away.

smiling, sighing,

but embarrassed.

can i chain You?

would You let me?

it’s not about a label, it’s

a symbol of our love.

COLORFUL!!

 

she says

“touch her,

she might like it.

try new things,

experiment.”

 

You say, “i don’t know.

make up my mind?

i can’t”.

can i make it up for You?

PLEASE!?!

 

we share dreams,

wants, desires.

we share a gender.

is that wrong?

NO!!

 

“is it wrong not

to want a label,”

You say,

“do i need one?”

no.

12 February 1994

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